Assalamualaikum , olllaaaa :D Some people might have known that I've started to wear hijab for .. well not for quite a long time but yeah , few days maybe . I just want to share the story of me getting the hidayah to start wearing hijab and .. yeah . OMG Aisya and Alya are sitting right in front of me so its damn awkward to write a new entry while they're casually scrolling people's Instagram .. Lol I already asked them to leave me alone I freakin need to be alone to write a nice entry but well , this is Alya's house so yknow i cant simply ask her to get out Troololololololol .
So here's how the story goes . I performed my Isyak after waking up from a long nap . It was around 3.00 AM if I'm not mistaken . No one was awake except for me . I took my wudhu' and got ready to perform my Isyak . As usual , I took my telekung and my favourite red sejadah from the rack . It is the only sejadah that I love to use and I've been using it since I was in standard 5 . The story behind this favouritism is .. the sejadah was my Daddy's . Hes been using the sejadah for such a long time . After his death , I kept that sejadah and used it as my own . I never let people use that sejadah usually .. Hahaha . I dont know why but , to think that Daddy had been praying on the sejadah for years in his life and to think that daddy taught me how to pray when I was 5 years old on that very particular sejadah , makes me feel very .. 'protective' about it .
So I performed my Isyak , accompanied by the peacefulness of the night . After solat , my heart was at such peace I even wished that time would freeze and that I can live in that moment forever . I prayed and prayed and prayed to Allah that all of my parents sins would be forgiven , that they would be placed in His beautiful Jannah , that their journey in akhirat would be easy , that they will always be protected and loved by Allah . Mummy , Ayah , Daddy , all of them . I prayed that I will always be given the chance to repay my parents , to look after them just like they've always looked after me after all of these years , to love them unconditionally for the rest of their lives, to make them happy to watch me growing into a successful person , .
And everything seems to be happening all at the same time . I remembered a tazkirah we had long ago in school when ustazah told us this ; ' Selangkah lagi kaki ayah masuk ke dalam syurga , tapi terhalang disebabkan anak-anak perempuan tak pakai tudung' . I remembered posts I've read everywhere about women who didnt cover thair aurat and the azab they'll receive , dunia and akhirat . I remembered about Ayah who always tried to give his best for us , for me . I remembered Ayah scolding me in such fatherly and loving way whenever I did something wrong . I remembered walking into bookstores and everytime we got out , Ayah bought me at least one new book and said ' As long as it does not distract you from studying' . I remembered Ayah being so understanding about me not wanting to go into the KRK class in 2009 coz I was too afraid to get out of my new safe zone with the Fasihians . I remembered Ayah comforting me in the emergency ward when I got admitted because of my super freaking high fever , I cried like a baby because of the pain , and the fear of getting a shot , he was there besides me holding my hand as if he'd never ever let it go and told me that everything is gonna be okay and he'll never leave me . I remembered Ayah clapping his hands loudly with such a proud look on his face as my name is being called a straight A's student , the look in his eyes as he watched me holding the result slip . Will I ever be able to do such terrible things to him , putting him straight to Al-Nar after all of the things he did for me ?
I remembered Daddy taking me to a stroll every evening on the park . On the way back , I'd fall asleep on the motorcycle every single time and Daddy had to pick me up inside the house . I remembered when Daddy stoked my cheek every morning to wake up for school , and he got to pick me up to the toilet or else I won't wake up . He'll wash my face and leave me in the toilet to get ready . I remembered when Daddy gave me a set of giant alphabet cards on my 5th birthday , I liked the gift so much I even brought them to bed . I remembered that proud look on Daddy's face as my name is being called 9 times in a row on Majlis Kecemerlangan Pelajar 2004 . Well , that was the last time he ever made it to the annual Majlis kecemerlangan anyways , he didnt make it the next year , he was taken away from me because Allah loves him more . I remembered Daddy saying 'Pandai anak Daddy' everytime I received any award from school for being the best student and stuffs . I remembered him sending me off to school every morning with such sleepy looks on his face . I rememberd him teaching me a doa everytime we reached the school gate ; ' Ya Allah , jadikanlah aku pelajar yang cemerlang dan insan yang berguna' . A doa I still practice until today . I remembered the moment I got the news that he got involved in an accident . I remembered watching him being pulled to the emergency room with blood on every part of his body . I remembered the last time he called my name , the last time he said 'Ata' with such despair and pain in his eyes in the emergency ward . I remembered how he fell into 'deep sleep' for two weeks and how I cried everyday because of him . I remebered the last time I saw him before he took his final breath . And , I remembered the red sejadah I was using . Will I ever be able to do such terrible things to him , putting him straight to Al-Nar after all of the things he did for me ?
Thats pretty much it . I love my dads , and I cant bear to do such terrible things to them .
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